ScreamFree Parenting
Aug. 15th, 2010 08:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mommyroxScreamFree Parenting: raising your kids by keeping your cool
Hal Edward Runkel
Всю книгу целиком можно прочитать по ссылке в гугл-букс.
Parenting is not about children, it's about parents.
The greatest thing you can do for your kids is learn to focus on yourself.
Emotional reactivity is our worst enemy when it comes to having great relationships.
Emotional reactivity has the uncanny ability of helping to create the very outcome you're hoping to prevent.
Wrong model: If you are responsible for your children, then you have to figure out how to program them to make the 'right' choices. And you need to do it quickly. You have to learn the right techniques to get them to think, feel, and behave according to your definition of 'good'... If your child ends up 'doing the right thing', then you've raised a robot. But if your child ends up thinking and acting for himself, then you've raised a rebel.
ScreamFree model: You are responsible to your children... for how you feel, think, and behave towards them.
You are the only one you can ultimately control. If you make sure you behave - when your kids misbehave - then you have a greater chance of positively influencing the situation, any situation.
If you rely on your ability to control others, you are destined for frustration and misery. All they have to do is say 'no', and you're beside yourself. You're out of control, because you're trying to control something you have no business controlling.
Being in charge as a parent means creating lasting and continued growth, not just exerting power or demanding obedience. This means inspiring your children to motivate themselves. This makes for a radical shift, a shift from controlling your kids' behavior to influencing their decisions. Remember, you are not responsible for your child's responses. You want to continually hold up and respect their ability to make choices, even choices you disagree with. Unless they are free to make their own choices, they can't learn the connection between choices and consequences.
You should not be in the business of forcing compliance at all costs. That kind of parenting only works short-term and sows the seeds for long-term disaster.
When we try to force our children to comply with our sometimes unreasonable demands, we turn parenting to warfare. Jamie Raser: ...Us (the children) against Them (authority figures), not Us against the realistic and logical consequences of rules. There are no victors in relationship battles, just more casualties.
Hal Edward Runkel
Всю книгу целиком можно прочитать по ссылке в гугл-букс.
Parenting is not about children, it's about parents.
The greatest thing you can do for your kids is learn to focus on yourself.
Emotional reactivity is our worst enemy when it comes to having great relationships.
Emotional reactivity has the uncanny ability of helping to create the very outcome you're hoping to prevent.
Wrong model: If you are responsible for your children, then you have to figure out how to program them to make the 'right' choices. And you need to do it quickly. You have to learn the right techniques to get them to think, feel, and behave according to your definition of 'good'... If your child ends up 'doing the right thing', then you've raised a robot. But if your child ends up thinking and acting for himself, then you've raised a rebel.
ScreamFree model: You are responsible to your children... for how you feel, think, and behave towards them.
You are the only one you can ultimately control. If you make sure you behave - when your kids misbehave - then you have a greater chance of positively influencing the situation, any situation.
If you rely on your ability to control others, you are destined for frustration and misery. All they have to do is say 'no', and you're beside yourself. You're out of control, because you're trying to control something you have no business controlling.
Being in charge as a parent means creating lasting and continued growth, not just exerting power or demanding obedience. This means inspiring your children to motivate themselves. This makes for a radical shift, a shift from controlling your kids' behavior to influencing their decisions. Remember, you are not responsible for your child's responses. You want to continually hold up and respect their ability to make choices, even choices you disagree with. Unless they are free to make their own choices, they can't learn the connection between choices and consequences.
You should not be in the business of forcing compliance at all costs. That kind of parenting only works short-term and sows the seeds for long-term disaster.
When we try to force our children to comply with our sometimes unreasonable demands, we turn parenting to warfare. Jamie Raser: ...Us (the children) against Them (authority figures), not Us against the realistic and logical consequences of rules. There are no victors in relationship battles, just more casualties.
