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Labels and Consequences
ScreamFree Parenting - Hal Edward Runkel
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Whenever we label our children, even in innocent recognition of certain characteristics, we severely limit their space. We risk creating a permanent handicap to their future development.
What you say about your kids is more important than what you say to them.
What we do with any repeated label, no matter how positive, is eliminate their freedom to be an evolving, developing human being. What we must learn as parents is to fight for our child's right to evolve.
No one is ever always anything. No one is ever always lazy or ever always smart or ever always defiant.
Take the harsh words 'always', 'never', 'all the time', and 'constantly' out of your vocabulary for good. Replace them with two more realistic and forgiving ones like 'can be'. By saying 'can be' instead of 'always', you are recognizing the propensity for change. And change is woven into our very nature.
The single greatest teaching and discipline strategy is a phenomenon embedded within the fabric of life itself. Simply put, here it is: our choices have consequences. Every single one of them.
We don't like to watch our children make mistakes. And we don't like having to take the time and energy to enforce the consequences. So instead, we scream. We threaten. We hope it works, meaning we hope our screaming forces them to behave we need them to... This isn't working and everyone knows it.
You can let the consequences do the screaming. You can learn to get out of the way and let the consequences do their job. So how do you do that? ...You must actively become interested in calming yourself down, instead of focusing on getting your children to stop making mistakes...Learning from their mistakes is the most effective form of education possible!
The more our children are exposed to the small consequences of their small infractions, the less they will have to commit large infractions and experience large consequences.
Calming ourselves down while we watch our children choose poorly is about as difficult as it gets. It's also our most important task if we are to retain any influence in our relationship with our kids.
прочитать полностью
Whenever we label our children, even in innocent recognition of certain characteristics, we severely limit their space. We risk creating a permanent handicap to their future development.
What you say about your kids is more important than what you say to them.
What we do with any repeated label, no matter how positive, is eliminate their freedom to be an evolving, developing human being. What we must learn as parents is to fight for our child's right to evolve.
No one is ever always anything. No one is ever always lazy or ever always smart or ever always defiant.
Take the harsh words 'always', 'never', 'all the time', and 'constantly' out of your vocabulary for good. Replace them with two more realistic and forgiving ones like 'can be'. By saying 'can be' instead of 'always', you are recognizing the propensity for change. And change is woven into our very nature.
The single greatest teaching and discipline strategy is a phenomenon embedded within the fabric of life itself. Simply put, here it is: our choices have consequences. Every single one of them.
We don't like to watch our children make mistakes. And we don't like having to take the time and energy to enforce the consequences. So instead, we scream. We threaten. We hope it works, meaning we hope our screaming forces them to behave we need them to... This isn't working and everyone knows it.
You can let the consequences do the screaming. You can learn to get out of the way and let the consequences do their job. So how do you do that? ...You must actively become interested in calming yourself down, instead of focusing on getting your children to stop making mistakes...Learning from their mistakes is the most effective form of education possible!
The more our children are exposed to the small consequences of their small infractions, the less they will have to commit large infractions and experience large consequences.
Calming ourselves down while we watch our children choose poorly is about as difficult as it gets. It's also our most important task if we are to retain any influence in our relationship with our kids.